Happy Monday (Part II)

Kids on Marriage (and Dating)

How do you decide who to marry?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." ~Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." ~Kristen, age 10

What is the right age to get married?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." ~Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." ~Freddie, age 6

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." ~Derrick, age 8

What do most people do on a date?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." ~Lynnette, age 8

"On a first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." ~Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." ~Craig, age 9

When is it OK to kiss someone?

"When they're rich." ~Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." ~Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." ~Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." ~Theodore, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." ~Anita, age 9

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" ~Kelvin, age 8

How would you make a marriage work?

"Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck." ~Ricky, age 10

Happy Monday :)

"A first-grade school teacher had 26 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the saying."

1) Don't change horses ... until they stop running
2) Strike while the ... bug is close
3) It's always darkest before ... Daylight Savings Time
4) Never underestimate the power of ... termites
5) You can lead a horse to water but ... how?
6) Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty
7) No news is ... impossible
8) A miss is as good as a ... Mr.
9) You can't teach an old dog new ... math
10) If you lie down with dogs, you'l ... stink in the morning
11) Love all, trust ... me
12) The pen is mightier than the ... pigs
13) An idle mind is ... the best way to relax
14) Where there's smoke there's ... pollution
15) Happy the bride who ... gets all the presents
16) A penny saved is ... not much
17) Two's company, three's ... the Musketeers
18) Don't put off till tomorrow what ... you put on to go to bed
19) Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... you have to blow your nose
20) There are none so blind as ... Stevie Wonder
21) Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded
22) If at first you don't succeed ... get new batteries
23) You only get out of something what you ... see in the picture on the box
24) When the blind lead the blind ... get out of the way
25) A bird in the hand ... is going to poop on you
26) Better late than ... pregnant

Star Wars World vs The Real World

For those of you who don't know, the Jedi Training Academy at Hollywood Studios is a wonderful little show where children learn the ways of the Force. They are taught a simple little combination with their light-sabers, and then they fight Darth Vader to complete their training.

Recently, the ending of the show was altered so that the entire group of little ones (with the help of the Jedi Master) "Force-Push" Vader. Which is thrilling when you're a little kid (and, let's be honest, most of us grown-ups would be just as thrilled to participate.) But this new ending brought about a heated discussion about what would actually be possible in the Star Wars World.

"I'm just saying, there's no way that a group of Younglings who had just been trained would be able to Force-Push Vader. It just wouldn't be possible! I don't care how strong they are!"

... I'm sorry, what? Let's just for a moment disregard the fact that Darth Vader is patiently squaring off against each individual child (and that they all manage to defeat him one way or another, despite the fact that most of them don't remember their training combination.) Let's ignore the fact that our Jedi Masters regularly make ridiculously corny anachronistic jokes that have no place in a galaxy far, far away.

Bypass all of that, and still, all I have to say is this : does it look like we're too concerned with reality here?!

The above is a clip from this year's Hyperspace Hoopla. A magical show of wonder and awesome that I can't even begin to describe.  And as it clearly proves, keeping the reality of Star Wars World alive is at the very top of our priority list.

May the Force be With You. Always.

The Good News Daily

Here's the thing : I have all of my limbs. My mother is not dead. I have a job I love, friends I adore, and a whole new world of shining possibilities.

So why am I complaining? Yeah, things are hard. But they're not nearly as hard as they could be.

And so, for the next week at least, I'm trying something new. Every day, right here, there will be something GOOD. A smile, a laugh, a funny story. No divorce. No cancer. No complaints :)

"The Good News Daily. Nothing but good news every day. 'No Civil War in Canada,' big article. 'Cars Drive Down Road Without Incident,' front-page news. 'Puppies -- How Cute are They?' In-depth expose." 

* to those of you who get the reference, this is why we're friends.

We are starting right now with possibly one of the most brilliant ventriloquist acts I have ever seen. Take a few minutes out of your crazy Saturday and watch. I promise it's worth it!

And now, off to dance with Stitch and friends. And get paid for it. Love and laughter <3

In my continuing effort to figure out who I am as a single person, rather than as a unit, I give you the following  list of Things That Most People Don't Know About Me :

• I am fascinated by erosion, and always have been. As a kid, I tried to create a river in my backyard by letting the outdoor spigot run for about an hour every day. I figured, if the water kept running in the same place, carving the same path day after day, eventually I would wear it down enough to hit a natural water table and ... well, as you might imagine, it didn't exactly work out.
• I have never seen an "original" James Bond film. The only two I've ever seen are the new Daniel Craig movies.
• Pregnancy photos freak me out.
• My first celebrity crush was Will Smith in MIB.
• I secretly long for a relationship just like the one in "The Mummy."  Handsome rogue, beautifully stubborn woman, exotic adventures ... the actual mummies I could probably do without, but hey! At least their life is always interesting!
• Office Depot is one of my favorite stores in the world.
• I would happily rehearse for a show on any given holiday. Theatre is my all-consuming passion, and one of the few things in life I would give up almost everything else for.
• I can not make toast. I have no idea why.
• I used to be scared to death of the characters at Disney. Like, terrified. And yes, I do see the glaring irony in my life right now.
• I get far too invested in the lives of fictional characters. For instance: even as a kid, I hated Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Why? Because in the scene where Dick Van Dyke's invention makes a delicious breakfast for everyone, the character of the grandfather got nothing but a raw, brown egg. And I was heartbroken for him.
• It's quirks like that last one that legitimately make me wonder HOW I ever got married in the first place, and seriously doubt that I ever will again.
• I collect dragonflies.
• I grew up thinking I was half black. My dad had much darker skin when I was little (Cherokee in the bloodlines) and so I was convinced that I was half-and-half. And I wondered if my little brother would look black or white when he was born. It was at this point that my mother realized my mistake and corrected me. I still say I've got soul in there somewhere.
• I desperately want to be a spy. But the next best thing would be guest-starring on an episode of Burn Notice. Dear Matt Nix : You are brilliant, your show is amazing, I would happily pay you to let me be on it. Much love :)
• If ever I get into film, I would like to do my own stunts.
• I don't understand the mustache fad.

di.vorce (n)

1) the legal dissolution of a marriage
2) a complete or radical severance of closely connected things

Changing your name. Changing your Facebook relationship status. Referring to yourself as "divorced" instead of "in the middle of a divorce..."  Just another day in the life of your average 22-year-old divorcee.  The adjustment isn't as hard as I thought it would be.  In fact, it's just one less thing I have hanging over my head at the moment, which is a relief.  Something in my life is finally resolved.

And now, it's time to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. But here's the thing : which pieces are actually me, and which pieces are just the circumstances of my life ... things I can just leave behind now?  Brayden and I discussed this once, about how he wondered if he wanted to be a doctor, of if we wanted him to be a doctor. In the end, he decided that it was truly something he wanted, and that was a piece of our marriage he took with him. So which pieces do I take?

Not quite sure where to start ...

Weak

I don't like crying. It makes me feel weak. I don't like to cry, or wallow, or miss people ... but somehow I got caught in this weird cycle today, and I started missing somebody. A good friend who I don't really talk to anymore. (Who will not read this, I guarantee it.)

I didn't mean to start missing him. I've spent a very long time lately trying not to miss him, in fact. He was my first friend here in Orlando. Someone who was always there for me when I just needed to talk. Someone who managed to always make me forget all of the pain that I was going through. And when we stopped talking awhile back, I told myself that I'd built up the friendship as something more important than it really was. Just a reaction to the new environment, just someone to fill the time.

But tonight I was reading through past conversations looking for a quote, or a piece of advice he'd given me once ... can't really remember now. Either way, I suddenly realized that I have every reason to miss him. And I want to fix things so badly it hurts.

And from there, I got sucked into an even bigger cycle of missing everybody that I've lost recently. From school friends that I feel like I abandoned to the husband that I'm about to be completely and legally separated from forever. His family, who I love and miss. Even my college program roommates, who I feel like I lost any and all connection with while I was in the show back in April. By the end of all this, I somehow ended up desperately missing every one of my high school friends and wishing I was a Senior again.

Why is that? Why are these connections so important to us as a species, and how can it be so painful when they only go one way? I don't understand.

I don't understand how things that seem so right can suddenly go so wrong.  How love fades. Trust dwindles. People drift apart.  And I don't understand how I ended up here.

But I know that I don't like feeling weak. And I don't know what to do about it. Because the truth is, I don't make friends very easily. And I don't take it very well when they're gone.  The friends I have now? They're amazing, and I love them. But I just know something will happen, and they won't be around forever. I'm scared of losing them.

And fear makes you weak.

Yup, I'm in trouble.

Judge Not ...

A few nights ago I went out with one of my best friends.  He, like most of my closest male friends, is gay.  Not surprising, considering the environment. And I've never really thought about it.  It seems like homosexuality goes hand-in-hand with theatre, and it's always just been a part of my life.

But that night on the drive home, this friend said something that really bothered me. We were talking religion and I mentioned something or other about being a Mormon, and he said, "Honey, I'm in the car. You're not a Mormon."  Now, I know I'm not the most devout member in the world.  I can't always make it to church and I've seen my fair share of R-rated movies, but I beg your pardon?

Come to find out, he wasn't attacking me when he said this.  He was simply reacting the way a 20-something gay has been brought up to react to what is considered a fairly "strict" religion.  If I were truly devout, I wouldn't be so much as giving him a ride.  Mormons, apparently (or, "true" Mormons) don't associate with gays. We don't love them, or care about them, or befriend them.

This is the idea that I can't stand.  This is what's been bothering me nonstop since that night.  The following is not an attack on anyone, and it is not meant to open up a heated debate.  This is just something I have to say.

To those of you who believe "true" Mormons are judgmental, exclusive and sheltered, I'm sorry.  You have every reason to feel that way, because honestly the radicals often speak the loudest, and it's their opinions that you hear.  But as far as I'm concerned, those Mormons don't understand the true message of Christ.

L.O.V.E

We are to love our families, our neighbors, and our enemies.  And if we are to love our enemies, those who have done us actual harm, how dare we assume that we shouldn't love everybody else as well?  In my own life, I have actually been harmed by homosexuality, and if anyone had a right to be angry about it, it would be me.  But I'm not.

And it is not my place to judge.  EVER.

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged
Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged. Condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned. Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

Let he among you without sin cast the first stone.

If this is a sin, it is our place to forgive.

I leave you with this excerpt from one of President Uchtdorf's most memorable talks. My Mormon readers will have already heard it, but I'd like the rest of you to know what a real, "true" Mormon leader's veiws are :


This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:


Stop it!


It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”


I can't say it any better than that. STOP IT. And to my wonderful friend, you know who you are. And you will always be welcome in my car, and in my life.

Maphead: Charting the Wide, Weird World of Geography Wonks

Geography : not the average student's favorite subject.  Not by a long shot.  In fact, I'd be willing to wager that most (if not all) of my readers much preferred English or even Math, P.E or Music to your elementary school Geography.

If only our teachers had read this book.

Ken Jennings (Jeopardy! superstar and author of Brainiac: Adventures in the Curious, Competitive, Compulsive World of Trivia Buffs) takes us on a journey through the art of geography.  Not science, art.  From stories about the earliest maps to the fascinating adventures one can have today with a GPS, Jennings creates an entertaining page-turner out of a class that I know I skipped on more than one occasion.

Full of wit and fascinating trivia, Maphead is a great find for map geeks and geography dunces alike!

And now, let's get personal.

Where were you on September 11th?

You remember, don't you? You remember where you were and what you were doing.  Moments like that are branded in our minds forever it seems, and Jennings explores why.  Why humans are drawn to remembering where they were, rather than when they were or how they were.  How certain memories are indelibly linked with specific places.

I tested out some of these theories with a few of my co-workers. We discussed the solar eclipse that occurred when many of us were in elementary school, and reminisced over every little detail of the day. We talked about Hurricane Katrina; the days Hussein and Bin Laden were killed; even the day the last Harry Potter book came out.

Maphead has opened my eyes (in a very bizarre way) to the idea that geography is more than just a bunch of names on a map. It's the way our minds process the "where" of things.  Pick it up on your way home tomorrow.  (Or in an airport bookstore before your flight leaves, like I did.)  You won't regret it.