Somebody know me too well ...

I went back to Virginia a couple of weeks ago ... It was beautiful, and terrible all at once.  There's no easy way to dive back into a painful past.  Memories and feelings will resurface.  And, in my case, you might be forced to deal with some things you've been avoiding for almost a year.  And when Brayden and I finally got a chance to talk face-to-face, we finally realized exactly where we were.

The marriage didn't work.  But the relationship did.  And when you've already married your best friend, how can anything else ever come close again?

That's the fear.  It's not that I'll die alone, or I won't find someone who makes me happy ... it's wondering if I'll ever find someone who knows me that well ever again.  Someone who loves me for all of my little annoying quirks, and knows how to deal with them.  Someone who makes long road trips fun.  Someone who knows my darkest side, but can still bring out the best in me. I just want someone to know me again, even better than I know myself.  And I'm scared every day that no one is ever going to want to. And even more scared that one day someone will, and I won't trust them enough to let them in.

As always, the music says it better than I ever could 

Christmas Spirit

Christmas music, movies, decorations ... they hold a special fascination for me. But, I am very strict about when I can indulge in any Christmas traditions. The day after Thanksgiving, that's when the movies come out and the music comes on. Just ask Brayden ... we fought about this almost monthly.

Christmas Spirit is a very big deal to me, and it's weird, but I've developed this quirk over the years where if I'm watching Christmas movies or listening to Christmas music at any other time of year, it means I'm incredibly depressed. It's a mark of how bad things are when I'm watching "The Santa Clause" in mid-August.

I'm not quite sure why this happens. Maybe it's because the holiday season is my very favorite time of year, and I get really depressed when it's over. And then I get antsy waiting for it to start again. Holidays are very special to me, and I don't like to have them tainted or ruined in any way, so I keep them tucked away in their proper month, and throw myself into the holiday spirit when it FINALLY comes around.

But at times like these, when I'm so blue that I don't even care, when I'm already in a rather melancholy place ... sometimes, a little dose of Christmas spirit cheers me up.

Happy Monday (Part II)

Kids on Marriage (and Dating)

How do you decide who to marry?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." ~Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." ~Kristen, age 10

What is the right age to get married?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." ~Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." ~Freddie, age 6

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." ~Derrick, age 8

What do most people do on a date?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." ~Lynnette, age 8

"On a first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." ~Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." ~Craig, age 9

When is it OK to kiss someone?

"When they're rich." ~Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." ~Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." ~Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single or married?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." ~Theodore, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." ~Anita, age 9

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" ~Kelvin, age 8

How would you make a marriage work?

"Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck." ~Ricky, age 10

Happy Monday :)

"A first-grade school teacher had 26 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the saying."

1) Don't change horses ... until they stop running
2) Strike while the ... bug is close
3) It's always darkest before ... Daylight Savings Time
4) Never underestimate the power of ... termites
5) You can lead a horse to water but ... how?
6) Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty
7) No news is ... impossible
8) A miss is as good as a ... Mr.
9) You can't teach an old dog new ... math
10) If you lie down with dogs, you'l ... stink in the morning
11) Love all, trust ... me
12) The pen is mightier than the ... pigs
13) An idle mind is ... the best way to relax
14) Where there's smoke there's ... pollution
15) Happy the bride who ... gets all the presents
16) A penny saved is ... not much
17) Two's company, three's ... the Musketeers
18) Don't put off till tomorrow what ... you put on to go to bed
19) Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... you have to blow your nose
20) There are none so blind as ... Stevie Wonder
21) Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded
22) If at first you don't succeed ... get new batteries
23) You only get out of something what you ... see in the picture on the box
24) When the blind lead the blind ... get out of the way
25) A bird in the hand ... is going to poop on you
26) Better late than ... pregnant

Star Wars World vs The Real World

For those of you who don't know, the Jedi Training Academy at Hollywood Studios is a wonderful little show where children learn the ways of the Force. They are taught a simple little combination with their light-sabers, and then they fight Darth Vader to complete their training.

Recently, the ending of the show was altered so that the entire group of little ones (with the help of the Jedi Master) "Force-Push" Vader. Which is thrilling when you're a little kid (and, let's be honest, most of us grown-ups would be just as thrilled to participate.) But this new ending brought about a heated discussion about what would actually be possible in the Star Wars World.

"I'm just saying, there's no way that a group of Younglings who had just been trained would be able to Force-Push Vader. It just wouldn't be possible! I don't care how strong they are!"

... I'm sorry, what? Let's just for a moment disregard the fact that Darth Vader is patiently squaring off against each individual child (and that they all manage to defeat him one way or another, despite the fact that most of them don't remember their training combination.) Let's ignore the fact that our Jedi Masters regularly make ridiculously corny anachronistic jokes that have no place in a galaxy far, far away.

Bypass all of that, and still, all I have to say is this : does it look like we're too concerned with reality here?!

The above is a clip from this year's Hyperspace Hoopla. A magical show of wonder and awesome that I can't even begin to describe.  And as it clearly proves, keeping the reality of Star Wars World alive is at the very top of our priority list.

May the Force be With You. Always.

The Good News Daily

Here's the thing : I have all of my limbs. My mother is not dead. I have a job I love, friends I adore, and a whole new world of shining possibilities.

So why am I complaining? Yeah, things are hard. But they're not nearly as hard as they could be.

And so, for the next week at least, I'm trying something new. Every day, right here, there will be something GOOD. A smile, a laugh, a funny story. No divorce. No cancer. No complaints :)

"The Good News Daily. Nothing but good news every day. 'No Civil War in Canada,' big article. 'Cars Drive Down Road Without Incident,' front-page news. 'Puppies -- How Cute are They?' In-depth expose." 

* to those of you who get the reference, this is why we're friends.

We are starting right now with possibly one of the most brilliant ventriloquist acts I have ever seen. Take a few minutes out of your crazy Saturday and watch. I promise it's worth it!

And now, off to dance with Stitch and friends. And get paid for it. Love and laughter <3

In my continuing effort to figure out who I am as a single person, rather than as a unit, I give you the following  list of Things That Most People Don't Know About Me :

• I am fascinated by erosion, and always have been. As a kid, I tried to create a river in my backyard by letting the outdoor spigot run for about an hour every day. I figured, if the water kept running in the same place, carving the same path day after day, eventually I would wear it down enough to hit a natural water table and ... well, as you might imagine, it didn't exactly work out.
• I have never seen an "original" James Bond film. The only two I've ever seen are the new Daniel Craig movies.
• Pregnancy photos freak me out.
• My first celebrity crush was Will Smith in MIB.
• I secretly long for a relationship just like the one in "The Mummy."  Handsome rogue, beautifully stubborn woman, exotic adventures ... the actual mummies I could probably do without, but hey! At least their life is always interesting!
• Office Depot is one of my favorite stores in the world.
• I would happily rehearse for a show on any given holiday. Theatre is my all-consuming passion, and one of the few things in life I would give up almost everything else for.
• I can not make toast. I have no idea why.
• I used to be scared to death of the characters at Disney. Like, terrified. And yes, I do see the glaring irony in my life right now.
• I get far too invested in the lives of fictional characters. For instance: even as a kid, I hated Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Why? Because in the scene where Dick Van Dyke's invention makes a delicious breakfast for everyone, the character of the grandfather got nothing but a raw, brown egg. And I was heartbroken for him.
• It's quirks like that last one that legitimately make me wonder HOW I ever got married in the first place, and seriously doubt that I ever will again.
• I collect dragonflies.
• I grew up thinking I was half black. My dad had much darker skin when I was little (Cherokee in the bloodlines) and so I was convinced that I was half-and-half. And I wondered if my little brother would look black or white when he was born. It was at this point that my mother realized my mistake and corrected me. I still say I've got soul in there somewhere.
• I desperately want to be a spy. But the next best thing would be guest-starring on an episode of Burn Notice. Dear Matt Nix : You are brilliant, your show is amazing, I would happily pay you to let me be on it. Much love :)
• If ever I get into film, I would like to do my own stunts.
• I don't understand the mustache fad.

di.vorce (n)

1) the legal dissolution of a marriage
2) a complete or radical severance of closely connected things

Changing your name. Changing your Facebook relationship status. Referring to yourself as "divorced" instead of "in the middle of a divorce..."  Just another day in the life of your average 22-year-old divorcee.  The adjustment isn't as hard as I thought it would be.  In fact, it's just one less thing I have hanging over my head at the moment, which is a relief.  Something in my life is finally resolved.

And now, it's time to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. But here's the thing : which pieces are actually me, and which pieces are just the circumstances of my life ... things I can just leave behind now?  Brayden and I discussed this once, about how he wondered if he wanted to be a doctor, of if we wanted him to be a doctor. In the end, he decided that it was truly something he wanted, and that was a piece of our marriage he took with him. So which pieces do I take?

Not quite sure where to start ...

Weak

I don't like crying. It makes me feel weak. I don't like to cry, or wallow, or miss people ... but somehow I got caught in this weird cycle today, and I started missing somebody. A good friend who I don't really talk to anymore. (Who will not read this, I guarantee it.)

I didn't mean to start missing him. I've spent a very long time lately trying not to miss him, in fact. He was my first friend here in Orlando. Someone who was always there for me when I just needed to talk. Someone who managed to always make me forget all of the pain that I was going through. And when we stopped talking awhile back, I told myself that I'd built up the friendship as something more important than it really was. Just a reaction to the new environment, just someone to fill the time.

But tonight I was reading through past conversations looking for a quote, or a piece of advice he'd given me once ... can't really remember now. Either way, I suddenly realized that I have every reason to miss him. And I want to fix things so badly it hurts.

And from there, I got sucked into an even bigger cycle of missing everybody that I've lost recently. From school friends that I feel like I abandoned to the husband that I'm about to be completely and legally separated from forever. His family, who I love and miss. Even my college program roommates, who I feel like I lost any and all connection with while I was in the show back in April. By the end of all this, I somehow ended up desperately missing every one of my high school friends and wishing I was a Senior again.

Why is that? Why are these connections so important to us as a species, and how can it be so painful when they only go one way? I don't understand.

I don't understand how things that seem so right can suddenly go so wrong.  How love fades. Trust dwindles. People drift apart.  And I don't understand how I ended up here.

But I know that I don't like feeling weak. And I don't know what to do about it. Because the truth is, I don't make friends very easily. And I don't take it very well when they're gone.  The friends I have now? They're amazing, and I love them. But I just know something will happen, and they won't be around forever. I'm scared of losing them.

And fear makes you weak.

Yup, I'm in trouble.

Judge Not ...

A few nights ago I went out with one of my best friends.  He, like most of my closest male friends, is gay.  Not surprising, considering the environment. And I've never really thought about it.  It seems like homosexuality goes hand-in-hand with theatre, and it's always just been a part of my life.

But that night on the drive home, this friend said something that really bothered me. We were talking religion and I mentioned something or other about being a Mormon, and he said, "Honey, I'm in the car. You're not a Mormon."  Now, I know I'm not the most devout member in the world.  I can't always make it to church and I've seen my fair share of R-rated movies, but I beg your pardon?

Come to find out, he wasn't attacking me when he said this.  He was simply reacting the way a 20-something gay has been brought up to react to what is considered a fairly "strict" religion.  If I were truly devout, I wouldn't be so much as giving him a ride.  Mormons, apparently (or, "true" Mormons) don't associate with gays. We don't love them, or care about them, or befriend them.

This is the idea that I can't stand.  This is what's been bothering me nonstop since that night.  The following is not an attack on anyone, and it is not meant to open up a heated debate.  This is just something I have to say.

To those of you who believe "true" Mormons are judgmental, exclusive and sheltered, I'm sorry.  You have every reason to feel that way, because honestly the radicals often speak the loudest, and it's their opinions that you hear.  But as far as I'm concerned, those Mormons don't understand the true message of Christ.

L.O.V.E

We are to love our families, our neighbors, and our enemies.  And if we are to love our enemies, those who have done us actual harm, how dare we assume that we shouldn't love everybody else as well?  In my own life, I have actually been harmed by homosexuality, and if anyone had a right to be angry about it, it would be me.  But I'm not.

And it is not my place to judge.  EVER.

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged
Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged. Condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned. Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

Let he among you without sin cast the first stone.

If this is a sin, it is our place to forgive.

I leave you with this excerpt from one of President Uchtdorf's most memorable talks. My Mormon readers will have already heard it, but I'd like the rest of you to know what a real, "true" Mormon leader's veiws are :


This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:


Stop it!


It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”


I can't say it any better than that. STOP IT. And to my wonderful friend, you know who you are. And you will always be welcome in my car, and in my life.

Maphead: Charting the Wide, Weird World of Geography Wonks

Geography : not the average student's favorite subject.  Not by a long shot.  In fact, I'd be willing to wager that most (if not all) of my readers much preferred English or even Math, P.E or Music to your elementary school Geography.

If only our teachers had read this book.

Ken Jennings (Jeopardy! superstar and author of Brainiac: Adventures in the Curious, Competitive, Compulsive World of Trivia Buffs) takes us on a journey through the art of geography.  Not science, art.  From stories about the earliest maps to the fascinating adventures one can have today with a GPS, Jennings creates an entertaining page-turner out of a class that I know I skipped on more than one occasion.

Full of wit and fascinating trivia, Maphead is a great find for map geeks and geography dunces alike!

And now, let's get personal.

Where were you on September 11th?

You remember, don't you? You remember where you were and what you were doing.  Moments like that are branded in our minds forever it seems, and Jennings explores why.  Why humans are drawn to remembering where they were, rather than when they were or how they were.  How certain memories are indelibly linked with specific places.

I tested out some of these theories with a few of my co-workers. We discussed the solar eclipse that occurred when many of us were in elementary school, and reminisced over every little detail of the day. We talked about Hurricane Katrina; the days Hussein and Bin Laden were killed; even the day the last Harry Potter book came out.

Maphead has opened my eyes (in a very bizarre way) to the idea that geography is more than just a bunch of names on a map. It's the way our minds process the "where" of things.  Pick it up on your way home tomorrow.  (Or in an airport bookstore before your flight leaves, like I did.)  You won't regret it.

The 10th Annual Bellamy Family Summer Reading Contest

The Goal : Read as many NEW books as possible in the prescribed amount of time
The Contenders : Professional Bookworm Kaitlin (yours truly) and Little Brother Jonathan (who is technically the reigning champ, but this year he's going DOWN!)

The Rules :

• Contenders shall begin counting pages toward their final tally on the "start date," and not a day earlier!
• Every third book completed entitles the reader to a prize, to be decided upon by the Contest Referee, Kathleen (aka Mom)
• A full and complete page count shall be turned in NO LATER than midnight on the "end date." The contestant with the most total pages shall be deemed the winner, thereby receiving a Grand Prize as well as bragging rights
• No book that has already been read may count toward the final page tally

The Obstacles : Each contender has a full agenda off summer activities demanding their time and attention. They must use their free time wisely, while still fulfilling all previously scheduled summer engagements.

Start Date : June 20th, Summer Solstice

End Date : September 22nd, Autumn Equinox

Let the games begin!

The Chemo Cookbook

Chemotherapy : Latin for "these medications have too many damn syllables!"

For the past two weeks, I've been home in Greensboro with my folks. This is the longest I've been home since my mother was diagnosed, and it's been an experience, to say the least.  Two weeks marks a "cycle" in my family's life now.  Every other Tuesday is Chemo Day, meaning I got to live through Chemo Week and Normal Week while I've been here.  I've seen the ups and downs, and I actually attended Chemotherapy.

side note : I HATE HOSPITALS! end side note.

Now, there's not a lot I can really do to help out around here.  I mean, I've done yard work and I helped take care of the dog, but I can't speed the healing process and I can't pay the bills. What I CAN do is take over the kitchen.

You see, a nasty little side-effect of Chemotherapy is toll it takes on your taste buds.  My mom has lost most of her ability to taste.  Apparently, everything tastes like sawdust, or it doesn't taste at all.  And when your body is fighting against itself all day, you kinda need the nutrition.  Go figure.

There are so many different schools of thought on what to eat when you have cancer.  There's the raw food diet.  Stay away from sugars.  Eat this, not that.  But honestly, in cases like this, you eat what you can when you can.  If Mama's craving ice cream, then Mama's gonna HAVE it!  So THIS is an area where I could help.  I started researching (a special "thank you" to all the readers who responded to my REDDIT THREAD) and then I got to work.  After a rigorous day of taste-testing where I made about nine different things, trying to piece together what she can taste and what she can't, I have come to the following conclusion : GARLIC.  And Zucchini, apparently.  Those, she can taste. Oh and, weirdly enough, Tootsie Rolls.


This, while delicious, did nothing. Chicken with Sun-Dried Tomato and Basil Sauce. For her, it wasn't like tasting sawdust, but rather like not eating anything at all.
But for those of you who still have full command of your taste buds, I'd recommend it :) You can find it on my Pinterest, here!


These she could taste pretty well, and they're really easy to make! It's one of those recipes that you can adapt to fit your needs, so we're going to make them again with more garlic!
Very easy, mini chicken pot pies. You don't even need to make a dry crust, the Bisquick base cooks with it! The Lazy Chef approves :)

But THIS was our winner. Slow-Cooker Sesame Chicken. Easy to make, DELICIOUS, and very few ingredients!

Little tip for those of you trying to eat healthy, or just looking to add more flavor to your meals: Brown rice is so much better for you, but it's not nearly as tasty as white rice ... cook it in chicken broth!

Again, all of those recipes, as well as several others I'm planning to try, can be found on my "Pearls in the Kitchen" board on Pinterest. And now, I'm on the hunt for more recipes that are heavy on the garlic!  If anyone has anything to throw my way, please let me know!

When I get writer's block ...

... it feels like I'm trying to pull my own brain out through my eyeballs, but it keeps getting caught on the inside of my skull.

Thought Bubbles

I have never had a job that brings quite the assortment of random on-the-job thoughts as Disney World does. If real life had thought bubbles, here's a sample of some of the things you might see from me.

When I work at Tinkerbell's Nook, I spend all day going through that portal and shrinking down to pixie size. And then going BACK through the portal to the hallway and being normal sized again. No wonder I'm so muddled all the time!

12-year-old children with fully functioning arms and legs should NOT be riding around in a stroller. And Americans wonder why we're fat ...

Public Service Announcement : NEVER give Tigger a light-saber. The resulting "Darth Tigger" (as he likes to be called) will inevitably proceed to frolic around Crystal Palace, challenging the guests to duels and scaring poor Piglet out of his wits.

If I start singing "Just Can't Wait to be King," how many of the people in my line would sing along?

I should really learn to start being more aware of video cameras ... and not say really stupid things while someone is recording. I apologize for any horribly corny jokes I have made that were caught on anyone's family videos!

Is it fair that I'm getting paid to conga line with Pooh Bear and his friends? Who cares!

Funnel cake ... I wonder if there's enough time in my 15-minute break to change, run to the other end of the park, stand in line, buy a funnel cake, and get back in time to change and be on set by the end of ... nope. Mmmm, funnel cake ... I wonder if anyone in line has one. I wonder if I could convince them to go BUY me one ... I wonder if I would get in trouble for that ... Funnel cake is delicious.

“There are all kinds of pedants around with more time to read and imitate Lynne Truss and John Humphrys than to write poems, love-letters, novels and stories it seems. They whip out their Sharpies and take away and add apostrophes from public signs, shake their heads at prepositions which end sentences and mutter at split infinitives and misspellings, but do they bubble and froth and slobber and cream with joy at language? Do they ever let the tripping of the tips of their tongues against the tops of their teeth transport them to giddy euphoric bliss? Do they ever yoke impossible words together for the sound-sex of it? Do they use language to seduce, charm, excite, please, affirm and tickle those they talk to? Do they? I doubt it." ~Stephen Fry

RIP Maurice Sendak

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.” Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

“There is no such thing as fantasy unrelated to reality.”

“. . .from their earliest years children live on familiar terms with disrupting emotions, fear and anxiety are an intrinsic part of their everyday lives, they continually cope with frustrations as best they can. And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things.”

“There must be more to life than having everything.”

“And Max, the king of all wild things, was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all.”

Maurice Sendak

How much milk is in a goat?

As a writer, you can often make up your own rules. You can play around with the parameters of the world you set for yourself, and invent new ways of doing things. But at some point, if you're using any basic framework from the real world, you're going to have to stop and do some research. When you include swords in your story, you had better know what the sharp pointy part is called. And so, we stop and investigate whenever something pops up that we should know more about.

Herein lies the danger of research : a simple question in the hands of an inquisitive mind can turn into a three-hour internet scramble. New questions pop up, new theories emerge, and you can start to lose track of which book you were writing in the first place. The following is an actual outline of the path my research took me down last night, all surrounding a very simple question about goats.

How much milk is in a goat?

.Which led to a lengthy study on how goat's milk is different from cow's milk
..Which led to How to Milk a Goat by Hand
... Which led me to re-discover my passion for Project Heifer (which is, in my opinion, one of the most magnificent charities ever created, and if you have any questions about it please let me know:)


What moon takes the longest to orbit its planet?

The answer, by the way, is Neso, the Thirteenth Moon of Neptune. It takes a grand total of 9,373.99 days to orbit ...

.Which led to researching the names and backgrounds of Neptune's other 12 moons
..Which led to research about comets and other sparkly space junk
...Which made me wish I'd gone to space camp. For those of you who don't know, one of my biggest regrets in life is that I'm not a natural mathematician, because it was my dream to work for NASA. I would like nothing more than to be the head of Mission Control. I would like to be Gene Kranz when I grow up.

How much money does a stripper make?

... I won't go into too many details on this one, but it was coupled with investigations of the yearly salary of a bodyguard, and comic book art of Gotham City.

Granted, I did find plenty of useful information in last night's research marathon, but you can see the problem. Research ADD is a serious condition, affecting 3 of every 5 writers. And, at least in my case, causing a lot of unnecessary bookmarks on my browser that I can't bring myself to delete ... I swear, I will use it all one day!

Disney Confessions : 3 Months In And Still Magical

Today marks 3 months since my move to Florida. Already it has been a truly magical journey. The friends I've made here will last me a lifetime, and the memories are irreplaceable. And while every job will have its ups and downs, I love it here. So thank you for stopping by and sharing in the magic, dear reader. And have some third-month-fun-facts!

My absolute favorite ride in The Magic Kingdom is Peter Pan's Flight. I will happily ride it over and over, and never get sick of it. It is a dream of mine to get stuck in the 2nd room, where you're flying over the streets of London. Something about that whole scene just makes my heart soar.

While the Electrical Parade is wonderful and great fun, and I truly enjoy watching it, I want SpectroMagic back! It was the first parade I ever saw in person, and it was glorious. Pretty, pretty please with fiber-optic lights on top?

I secretly feel like I'm being judged when I don't have "good" pins on my lanyard. I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that everyone takes them! I can't say no to a guest! That's not the Disney Difference, people! *pitiful whimper* Little brat took my Princess Jasmine ...

Every single time I see Fantasmic, I find myself conducting along with the main theme. I have received two reactions from this little habit : "Aww, Kaitlin, you're so precious," and "Oh my gosh STOP IT!" I choose to think that I'm precious, rather than obnoxious :)

I would happily give up real food (and my waistline) to live entirely on a diet of theme park treats. There is nothing like them. Funnel cake, hot dogs, nachos, ice cream ... and may I just say, Dole Whips are the most magnificent thing on the planet. I love pineapple, I love pineapple juice, I love pineapple ice cream. I would eat five a day if I could get away with it.

And finally : Dream Along with Mickey. This show is performed throughout the day on the castle stage, and no matter where I'm going or what I'm doing, I'll stop to watch it if I'm in the area. It is my favorite show at Disney World. Before I started working here, I thought it was ... eh. I could take it or leave it. And then, during my Welcome to Entertainment class, we were touring Magic Kingdom. We were just in time for one of the showings, and we were asked to watch. As I stood there during the pre-show hubbub, I started talking to a young woman in the audience. She was a character performer who'd been working here for a few years, and she was the sweetest thing. As the show started, she pulled the classic employee-who-has-done-this-way-too-much thing and started mouthing along with the words (and yes, I'll admit I've picked up that habit too, thank you very much) and smiling as big as any of the guests who were seeing it for the first time. But to me, it was still just fine. And then, when Mickey came out on stage, the girl leaned over and said, "That's my boss!" It's been my favorite show ever since. Everything about it makes me smile. I sing along, I make a wish every time they ask me to. And whenever Mickey Mouse comes out on stage, I think to myself, That's My Boss. It never gets old, and I don't think it ever will.

Any dream is possible, wishes do come true ...

Friday the 13th

I could tell you about all of the (many) things that went wrong today. I could rant about the drama, the anger, the frustrations, and the tragedies. But that's not the story that you want to read. And tonight, it's not the story I want to tell.

So here's to the good things that happened today. In a hailstorm of emotions and hardship, there was also magic.

Today, I learned a little something about true friends, and who mine are. I got surprise visits at work, and a text from a dear friend who is very far away. I had a wonderful night at the movies, and re-discovered one of the simple joys in life (more on this one later, stay tuned.) None of these completely remarkable by themselves, but wrapped all together and sprinkled throughout the day, they were just what I needed.

Magical moments don't always have to be big. Sometimes, the smallest bit of magic is all you need. And it can come from the unlikeliest places.

There's magic all around you. Just let it happen.

Rock Bottom

Reading Myself to Sleep

ca.thar.sis (n)

1) the purging of emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art, such as tragedy or music
2) discharge of pent-up emotions so as to result in the alleviation of symptoms or the permanent relief of the condition

As a child, I could be driven to tears fairly easily. I got angry, I cried. Scared, I cried. Lonely, sick, hungry, embarrassed ... all led to tears. As an adult, I am sad to say that I did not grow out of this. I got better at putting the tears on hold until I was alone (sometimes) but I still cried very easily. I hated that about myself. It made me feel weak, and vulnerable, and pathetic. Especially since I was usually crying about things that were petty and insignificant anyway.

It's not until you lose the ability to cry altogether that you realize just how wonderful it is to let it all out. Lately, I have gotten so good at holding everything in that now, I can't cry even when I want to. I am keeping myself so together that even when I want nothing more than to let it all go, it is physically impossible.

And so, on the nights when I wish I could just cry myself to sleep (which is honestly always the deepest of sleeps) instead, I read myself to sleep. I find solace in words, and I throw myself with wild abandon into somebody else's world. But there is no catharsis for me. No release of the pent-up emotions. They simply ease their way out a little at a time, like a slow leak in a tire.

An explosion would be so much better.

Holy Updates, Batman!

The Show

Compatibility now has a Kickstarter page! Everyone head on over and take a look! We're about halfway to our goal, and every little bit helps! Click here to donate as little as $1 to the cause. And by "the cause," I do of course mean the ultimate geek takeover of the world.

And speaking of geeks taking over, apparently I need some kind of costume for the "convention" scene. Thoughts? Suggestions? Cruel jokes that will nevertheless be taken into consideration?

The Work

Disneyworld is continuing to treat me fabulously. I've just applied to extend my program, which means I'll be here until August (if they approve me.) I love my job, and I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of the magic every day. This is only slightly marred by the fact that my work life and personal life collided rather painfully the other day (the universe has a very cruel sense of humor sometimes) but I'm shaking it off. Picking up the pieces of the wreckage and moving on. All will be well again. I hope ...

The Family

Chemotherapy sucks, but it appears to be working! Every other Tuesday, Mom spends about six hours at the cancer center. Book recommendations for the long hours are always appreciated, by the way. During her first session we had a bit of a hiccup ... she ended up in the hospital two days later, too nauseated to keep anything down. She had to be nourished and hydrated through an IV overnight. But they seem to have ironed out that little kink, and she's doing much better after this second round. It's still a difficult road, but she's a fighter. And she's got a great support group. Thanks to all of you who are taking care of my family. Love you all!

The Friends

Some days, I honestly don't know how I got so lucky. I can't begin to thank all of the wonderful people I've met here and who have become such an amazing part of my life. So for now, I'm not going to try. I love all of you, and you know who you are. Thank you for being there for me, each in your own way.

The Life

It's hard, being dropped into an entirely new set of circumstances. Life throws you curve-balls every other day, it seems, but I'm hanging in there. Here's to new challenges. Here's to adventure. Here's to music and magic and pixie dust.

"I can't. I have rehearsal."

Two weeks ago I took a leap. I jumped back into the theatre, auditioning for the first time in eight years for a director who doesn't already know me.

And guess what?

I got the lead :) I'm playing it cool now, but when I first found out, you'd better believe there was all kinds of jumping and screaming and celebrating!

It's called "Compatibility." It's a new musical (written by our director) that is perfect for the geek in all of us. And yes, I get far too many of the references, thank you very much.

I am now practically living out of my car. Twice I have had to change clothes in the middle of the parking lot. I eat dinner as I drive from work straight to rehearsal every night. I am only home to go to sleep, and I memorize lines during my lunch hour.

And I'm loving every minute of it. Things are turning around, and there is something to look forward to besides work. My days are filled with magic, and my nights are filled with music.

Burnt Cheese and Blank Canvas

There comes a point every week where my groceries are more than a little sparse. It's during times like this that I start eating tater tots for two meals a day and finding a way to turn every scrap of leftover anything into a meal. And it is not at all uncommon during these times to find me sitting on my bedroom floor eating chips and salsa for dinner.

So tonight was much like any other night. Except that, through an unfortunate set of circumstances which I am sure Lady Karma set on me herself, just to spite my eating habits, I instead ended up with a bowl of stale chips and burnt cheese. Which I suffered through for all of four bites before throwing it out and digging into a brand new sleeve of Thin Mints. A much better choice, trust me.

It was during the Thin Mint course of my lovely dinner that a friend of mine mentioned on Facebook that he had "a couple of canvases that are begging to be painted." And something about that phrase just grabbed me, and wouldn't let go. A blank canvas. It always seems so symbolic and fresh. A blank canvas is full of possibilities. And I have always wished that I could paint, just so that I could throw myself into those possibilities.

I envy painters. One of my roommates (the lovely Stephanie) can throw herself into her drawings. Which are amazing, by the way. She can paint and draw and sketch, and I have trouble with stick figures. I've watched her focusing on her art, and you can just see that she's not even in our world anymore.

Then there's my dad, who paints some of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen. And I've watched him take his paintings from start to finish. Sanding his own boards, making his own paint ... it is a labor of love in every way.

Musicians who can express themselves through their own songs. Dancers, who can take all of their emotions and fling them to the farthest reaches of the universe with movement. Even great chefs and bakers, who are suddenly seized with the urge to create something new and come out of the kitchen covered in flour and streaks of chocolate.

I want to come out covered in flour. Or with paint on my clothes, or bruises from choreography. I want my appearance to say, "I am a creator."

I don't mean all of the time. I'm not talking about buying into the "Hello, I'm a starving artist and therefore MUST dress a certain way" stereotype. But when a painter finishes in the studio, you can tell. There's charcoal on their hands and a far-off look in their eyes that says a part of them is still with their work.

Writing. Acting. Those are my areas. That is where I create. And unless you see the show, or read the book, you may never know how much I pour my heart and soul into my creations. I don't come out of my writing sessions with inkstains (or, in this day and age, keyboard prints) all over my fingers. But it doesn't mean I don't create. It just means you can't see it as easily.

My point? I did have one, back when I started this post ... a blank canvas can be anything. A stage. A scrap of paper. An empty space of floor where you try a new step.

Every day, find a new blank canvas. And splash yourself all over it.

Smiling on the Outside

It sucks when something completely insignificant can make me drop all attempts to think positively. When I got up this morning, I was going to have a good day. It was decided. I got up early, had a good well-rounded breakfast, and I was feeling wonderful! Everything was going to be OK ...

And then something happened. What it was isn't important. In fact, there is no reason something so trivial should have set me off this way. But the fact of the matter is, it did. And, quite suddenly, all of my carefully harnessed positive attitude vanished in a hailstorm of emotional mess.

Everything is not OK. And I don't want to talk about things, because it makes me feel weak and like I'm begging for sympathy. But, at the same time, I just want to stop smiling for once.

I don't, of course ... no one at work had the slightest inkling ... they never do. I just keep smiling on the outside.

Normal

At 22, most people are only just starting to think about marriage, rather than just getting out of one. In college, you're supposed to be a little bit immature. A little irresponsible, staying up too late and going out and partying ... that's what I've been told, anyway. That's what I'm surrounded by day after day. And while I'm not really a partying kinda girl, there are times when I envy the "dancing through life" mentality.

Your average 22-year-old isn't spending their day off on the phone with lawyers. Or paying off the balance on their couple's counseling bill. Or worrying about taking care of loved ones. And I don't mind doing it, any of it. This is just another piece of my puzzle, a chapter in my story. And if I feel a little out of place sometimes, I just remind myself that this puts me ahead of the game. I can be responsible, I can be mature, I can handle things.

But tonight, for one night, I get to forget about all of it. Magic Kingdom is going to be open for 24 hours today, in honor of Leap Day. And so, from 11 PM to about 5 AM tomorrow morning, I am going to party. For one night, the most important thing in life is living, and living it up. For just one night, I am bound and determined to be normal.

"Deal with me"

Every now and then I get hit with a very obvious "Hello, I am your drama. Deal with me now." It usually happens when I'm least expecting it, and it unbalances me in a way that makes me grasp at any outlet, any stability to keep me going. Whether it's cleaning the apartment for the hundredth time, or just talking to a friend about simple little nothings, I need something to hold me together.

Today was one of those days. Mom started her chemotherapy today, which I was expecting. This is a good thing. It means we're on the road to recovery! Well, remission, but that's another story for another time. A time when it's not one in the morning, and I can actually handle the details ... But, as I said, today was one of those days. Where I was going along perfectly fine, handling myself and life and all that entails, and then suddenly I was drowning. Everything caught up to me all at once. The very idea that my mother, the strongest woman I know, was going through this right now hit me, and all of the things I've been pushing away came with it. Prominent among them : the overwhelming feeling that I can't do this.

I can't take care of myself, why would anyone in the world think I can? I have been so spoiled it's ridiculous, and now I'm on my own.

And then I realized that it's not the self-sufficiency that scares me, I can handle that. It's not the being away from home, I can handle that, too. I can handle going home and helping the family if need be, and I can handle being responsible for myself.

No, the thing that pushed me over the edge is knowing that I'm going through this alone. I mean, I know I have friends. Some very, very good friends. And wonderful family. And I'm not going through nearly as much pain and heartache right now as some. But, emotionally, I still feel like there should be someone there to hold me when things get this way. Someone to tell me everything is going to be alright, and just let me cry without being ashamed. I had that someone for so many of the times that I thought I needed it, and now when I need it  the most, it's gone.

As I said in my last post, I am a big girl. I can take care of myself. But sometimes, I wish I didn't have to ...

Diamonds

"A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well." ~unknown

When I was first planning to come down to Florida, Brayden told me something along the lines of "You don't have to tell people you were married. You can just be you."

I understand why he felt this way ... my whole life story comes off as a little intimidating, and he just wants me to be happy and fit in.

Bless him for that.

But here's the thing : I know I am not my mistakes. I am moving forward and moving on, and I am not stuck in my past. But my past has made me who I am. All of these things are a part of me, and a part of my story. And I am not ashamed of them. Every single thing that has happened over the past few years has made me stronger. And everything that is happening now, no matter how hard it is, can be overcome.

I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. And while I don't want to throw my "drama" in people's faces (it's my burden to bear, after all) this is still my story. I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's. And maybe I'm still learning who I am and how to deal with things, but that's life. It's not about how big your problems are, it's about how you handle them.

The Waiting Place

"Waiting for the fish to bite, or waiting for the wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for a Friday night. Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake. Or a pot to boil. Or a better break. Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls, or another chance"

Oh, the Places You'll Go

I have never been a patient person. I do not know the meaning of "take it slow." I leap without looking and push myself so hard that I often make myself sick. I don't slow down, and I don't give up.

Sometimes, this works to my advantage. It has helped fuel a strong work ethic, and it helped me try to keep my marriage together even when I wanted nothing more than to escape. Granted, the marriage ended in its own time anyway, but I still fought when so many others would have given up.

But now ... now I'm stuck in that Waiting Place. I cannot help speed my mother's treatments along. I don't know how long they'll take, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have come to accept the fact that I have to let some things go. I have to breathe, and pray, and let things happen when they will. However, my excess impatient energy seems to have re-focused itself in other areas of my life.

I am no longer content with "someday." My mother had so many "somedays," and now her whole life has shifted. I had "somedays." I had a whole future planned, and now ... well, now my future is a blank canvas. An empty page. There are possibilities and dreams and the crippling fear of failure. My life is now, not someday.

Simple

I love that I live in a place where I can drive with the windows down

I actually love having the highway right outside my window. It's a constant hum that is perfect to fall asleep to, and it's strangely peaceful

I love the people here. I have made some truly wonderful friends, and they have rescued me when I needed it (emotionally, and physically :)

I do so enjoy being surrounded by lizards. I think they're adorable, and they always make me smile

I love my job. I cannot even begin to describe just how much, so for now I won't try

I am grateful for the use of all of my limbs. For the ability to read and write and think. For seeing in color, and the ability to dance and sing and play

I am thankful for flowers and warm socks. Mashed potatoes. New leather journals. Hot chocolate and bubble baths and black-and-white movies

I am trying to keep positive. I am keeping my chin up. I am choosing to see the light instead of the dark. But the simple fact is, things are not always light, and there are going to be times when these posts are less than happy. When I have to address my mother's cancer. When my divorce finally goes through, and I have some sort of break down. (I promise you, it WILL happen.) But until then, I choose to focus on this. These simple little things that make every day special, and make me smile. And I hope they can make you smile a little too, whoever you are.

Where you lead, I will follow ...

I've been sitting here for awhile now, trying to think of an elegant way put my thoughts out there. But the sad truth is, sometimes human thoughts and emotions aren't elegant, or profound, or beautiful. They are raw and unpolished. So this is me, trying to bring everything together.

On Friday, February 10th 2012, my whole family's life was drastically altered. A long-awaited doctor's appointment confirmed everyone's worst fears : my mother's health problems are, in fact, cancer. Severity unknown, origin unknown. Treatment plan in the works.

She'll be OK, she has to be. She is one of the strongest people I know, and if she has anything to say about it, she's going to come through this even stronger than before. But it doesn't change the fact that we are all in for the fight of our lives.

My mother is the backbone of our family, and she is my best friend. People meet us and they think we're sisters. They often compare us to Lorelai and Rory of "The Gilmore Girls," which we take with pride since that show is very important to us. Now, I have siblings, and a father, so our family dynamic isn't nearly the same as our television heroines, but it doesn't matter. She is always there for me, and I am always there for her. But this, I cannot help with. I am useless. And there's this horrible, pressing guilt that nobody can talk me out of feeling ... she should have gone to the doctor months ago. But she was so busy taking care of me, and all of my problems. She was doing what any mother would do, and I love her for that, but I cannot shake that guilt. 

All I can do now is be supportive in every way possible. My parents don't want me to come home just yet, because everything is going so well for me here, but they know I'm only a phone call away. Mom, I am always only a phone call away. I'll hop in the car and drive all night if you ask me to. I love you. And I believe in wishes, and miracles, and dreams coming true. Every wish is for you.

All you have to do is call my name, and I'll be there on the next train

Hold your breath ... make a wish ... count to three

"Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." 
~ Roald Dahl

It's easy to go through life only focusing on the bad. Sometimes, it seems as though hardship is the only constant. That happiness is a fleeting moment, not to be expected, and not to be trusted. We get caught up in the day-to-day tragedies and we think, "This is my life." And every time something else happens, it becomes that much easier to give up hope. To accept the fact that life sucks, and there is nothing we can do about it.

And with that kind of attitude, you are absolutely right.

Happiness is a tricky thing. It is all around us, just waiting to be noticed and loved, whereas tragedy strikes us whether we're looking for it or not. It is so much easier to see pain and suffering. Oftentimes it's all we hear about. But if you're looking closely, with an open mind and heart, you'll see how much magic there truly is in life. I see it every day. Even when I'm surrounded by tragedies, even when it seems as though everything is falling apart.

I see it in all the little princesses who come to see Mickey and his friends. Those little girls still believe in Happily Ever After, and Prince Charming, and dancing. I see it in the smiles of the grown-ups on their first visits, just as excited as their children to see their favorite character. I see it every time we have an anniversary couple come to visit, because I know how hard it can be to keep that kind of magic alive. And I see it in every single "Make a Wish" child, and the pure love their families have for them. There is magic in every one of their stories, if we look for it.

Someone else might see the screaming babies, the frazzled parents and the bored teenagers. I see a family who still cared enough to go on vacation together. You may see Christmas lights wrapped around trees, I see fairies coming out to play. A handful of glitter becomes pixie dust.  A simple tiara hair clip makes a girl into "Your Highness."

And wishes DO come true.

Behind the Curtain

Today marks one week in Orlando. One week of learning. Of training. Of bonding with my roommates and fellow cast members. One week surrounded by magic, and seeing it come to life.

Some people have (understandably) been somewhat disappointed to now be on this side of "the curtain." They see how the magic works, and they miss just watching. I won't go into the specifics, but I'm sure you can imagine.

I, however, feel completely the opposite. Stepping behind the curtain, and seeing how everything comes together is simply overwhelming, and my belief in the magic has only grown with each passing day. I can see the pieces, and I know just how many things can go wrong. But knowing that so many people have come together for so many years to put on this show ... they put aside their differences to create a dream. They build memories. They are a part of something bigger than themselves. In this world, how often does something as happy and beautiful as this really, truly survive?

Here, we believe in magic. And dreams. And pixie dust. And smiles. And happily ever afters.

That, I think, is the true magic of Disney.

"I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing -- that it was all started by a mouse." ~Walt Disney

"We've Got Magic to Do"

GREETINGS FROM ORLANDO FLORIDA!

As of 12:49 this afternoon I became an official employee of The Disney Company! Complete with employee ID and nametag! I am now a part of the magic :)

On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited am I? UM, ABOUT 70,000!

I have a wonderful little 3rd floor apartment with three amazing roommates.  The weather is gorgeous here, and I start my official training tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm spending the night baking cookies and organizing the rest of my stuff ... cuz I'm just that awesome, and that's how I spend MY Friday nights!

The adventure has officially begun. Glad to have you along for the ride!

Send Me On My Way

Current Location : Savannah, Georgia

This marks the halfway point on my trip to Orlando, and it is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. Mom and I wandered around downtown a little tonight, and now I wish I could stay for a month.

We had dinner at this adorable little hole-in-the-wall called Vinnie Van Go Go's. It's a cash-only pizza place with slices bigger than your head. Indoor seating is cozy, at the tables or at the bar, and outdoor seating is perfect for people-watching. It's the kind of place that has bumper stickers plastering the back hallway and white twinkle lights strung up around the ceiling. A place where everyone knows the regulars.

And they deliver their pizza anywhere downtown ... by bicycle. Is it a little ridiculous how EXCITED I am by that?

If you're ever down in Savannah, take a walk around Franklin Square. You won't regret it. And stop on over at Vinnie's. Get a booth outside in the warm breeze and watch the world pass you by.

http://www.vinnievangogo.com/

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

For Christmas this year, I got The Complete Series of F.R.I.E.N.D.S ! I had been wanting it for the longest time! It's one of those shows that always cheers me up, and always makes me grateful for the friends in my life.

Too sappy? Yeah, alright moving on.

The thing is, I think I just love the group dynamic in that show. I love that Monica's apartment is where everyone just goes to hang out, because that's what I always wanted my apartment to be. I love being the hostess, and just having people show up. I love when my friends are comfortable enough just coming over, and when everyone knows each other's stories and histories and fun little quirks ... When I finally grow up and I'm out on my own, I hope my life can be a little like that show :)

Today, I finished the last episode of the last season. I made my way through the entire series in just under a month, because I have no life ! It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me want to start the whole process over again! And now, for your viewing pleasure and to make YOU laugh, one of my favorite gag reels from the show :)

Snails

Snails never have to worry about packing. They carry their whole homes right there on their backs, and they never have to worry about leaving something behind, or bringing too much, or dressing weather appropriate ... or hotels ... making reservations ... having luggage accidentally re-routed ...

I've gotten carried away. Back to the point : lucky little buggers!

I pack a full suitcase for a weekend away. Two full suitcases for a week. This is not including the extra bag of shoes, and bathroom bag full of makeup and hair stuff. And then I have my computer, my purse, a book, an extra pillow ... So, basically, my car is packed to capacity any time I leave home for more than three days. I am a self-diagnosed over-packer. And every time I try to UNDER-pack, I end up leaving something important behind. Or, like one memorable trip last summer, I leave EVERYTHING important behind!

Problem : I am about to move down to Florida for an entire semester. That is FOUR months. You do the math people! My car can't handle it!

Solution : Become a snail. Or a turtle! Turtles have more space ... 

This is why I need to learn to speak Spanish

411 -- Directory Assistance.

I never use it, because it is $1.99 every time, and I just don't have that kind of money. (The sad life of a starving artist)

But yesterday, my mother needed me to use it. Said she'd pay that part of the bill, I just needed to get the number for the smoothie shop (Red Mango! Trust me, at some point it will get its own post ...) and we'd be on our way.

Dialed, got the robotic and only slightly terrifying "Press ONE for English"

... and I pressed two. Finger slipped, I have no excuse other than basic human error, but yes. I pressed the wrong number.  And, apparently, TWO is telephone-speak for SPANISH.

I do not speak Spanish. At "Hola" I hung up. Panicked, and just hung up.

Dialed again ... and here's the fun part : once you pick a language, APPARENTLY you can't change it! They no longer offered me the language/number option, they just kicked me over to Spanish! And, again, I panicked. And hung up. SIX TIMES this happened!

I apologize to all of the Spanish-speaking operators that I hung up on yesterday, but I don't handle these things very well. Clearly.

Also, I apologize to my mother. Yes, you will be paying for each of those 411 calls. It was your idea, and now I can never use directory assistance ever again. At least, not until I learn to speak Spanish.

Bittersweet

This is my last post from Buena Vista, Virginia. As of tomorrow, I'm gone, at least for the foreseeable future.

It's been the most incredible journey, right from the start. I met some of the most important people in my life here at SVU, and made lifelong friends. I found love, and music, and family. Southern Virginia University was the best place I could possibly be for the last three years, and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to be here.

Thank you to everyone who let me be a part of your life, even for a little while. I will miss these mountains, this school, and this town.

"You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" 

Megan Klein -- You were my first friend here. You took care of me when I didn't know anybody, and let me crash at the mods with you so I didn't have to be alone :) Thank you for waiting to watch "Singing in the Rain" with me! And thank you for always making me feel welcome.

Watching the snow

Arielle -- You're my kind of crazy! I love that you got all of my little quirks:) Thank you for cake dates, and towel talk, and all the random little notes that let me know I was loved! I wish you all the best, always. Eeek Eek EEEEK!

Married Homecoming :)

Mariel and Erik -- I loved living so close to you guys, and I was crushed when you moved! Mariel, I always think of you when I start holiday decorating :) And Erik, the way you talk about Mariel is inspiring. I love how much you love her, and how perfect you two are together.

Spring Break -- OBX

Buck and Whitni -- Remember when we got snowed in at your place? Best. Night. Ever :) Thank you both so much for always being there. You were such an example to us, and I still miss both of you! Whitni, I still sing "I can't believe I called you FAT" whenever I sing "my own worst enemy" :)

Totally hot prisoners :)

Sarah -- I loved working with you in Man of La Mancha SO much! Really, we were TOTALLY the best part of the show ;) You can do anything you want, and I KNOW you can. I have admired your whole attitude and  the way you view life from the moment I met you. Just be you: Nobody does it better.

Homecoming 

Chase and Darla -- Best next-door neighbors EVER! Chase, you were a blast in Hufford's writing class, I was so glad to have you there! And Darla, thank you for always being there. I miss having you just a doorbell away. You're both going to be great parents! Congratulations!

Seriously??

Morgan -- My person! My corpse-dragging, getaway-car-driving person! I'm so sorry that I'm leaving you, but I have complete faith in you! You can conquer any dark-and-twistys that the world throws at you. Seriously ;)

Sexy with a tie ;)

Aubrey -- You've always been closer than a friend, you know that. You're an extra sister more than anything :) I loved having you right across the hall freshman year, and watching you and Patrick fall in love. I'm going to miss watching Seth grow up. You were always there no matter what, and you made me want to be a better person. I love you, always.

Best cake I've EVER had!

Kristen -- I know I haven't known you that long, but you've been such a wonderful part of my life. You and Bronson are such good people, and I admire your spirit and your heart. I really am going to miss you something awful. I'm always just a phone call away, remember that!

Princess Button

Greta -- One of my biggest regrets in all of this is that we will no longer be cousins. But I will always love you like family, no matter what. I am so proud of how quickly you grew here. You're going to set the world on fire. I'm going to miss you just showing up at my door, and keeping your extra pillow and toothbrush at my apartment. Your visits were never unwelcome, or too long. I absolutely adore you, dearest puzzle piece.

Shaving cream BATTLE!

Brayden -- Where do I even begin? You are my very best friend. I will always be here for you, no matter what or when or where. We might be ending, but our adventures are just beginning. You're going to be a fantastic doctor. And you made me into a writer. There would be no story without you. Thank you for helping me grow, and being my partner. Thank you for taking care of me even when I didn't deserve it, and for making me try fried eggs for the first time :) I'll never be able to tell you how much I appreciate you, so I'm going to stop trying now. But no matter where we go from here, thank you for the last three years.

I know there are people I've forgotten to mention. People I've been in shows with. Professor Stoddard, who it was always an honor to work with. Ashley Latta, who gave me the best soup recipe on the planet :) Sarah Friday, my stage momma. Alex Carter, who knows that "If you die in Canada, you die in REAL LIFE!" The entire Taylor family, every single brilliant one of them. I love all of you!

I'll miss you, Southern Virginia University.